25th Anniversary (1998)

January 23, 2023

Our 22nd anniversary was pretty much like most of the others that we had celebrated, and we were enjoying a delightful meal at a local sushi restaurant when it occurred to me that our 25th anniversary was not that far off.  “Hmm.”, I thought quietly to myself, “Maybe I should do something special for Judy on that milestone, especially since she is not only my spouse but my ‘best friend’.”  As we sat there savoring our meal, laughing and enjoying each other’s company, my mind began to conjure up all sorts of possibilities for this most special of occasions.  An idea began to form...

Up to that point, most of our anniversary celebrations had consisted of the customary card, some nice flowers and a romantic evening out to enjoy a delicious meal and some nice wine.  It swiftly dawned on me that the 'usual' or 'expected' simply wasn’t going to be good enough when it came time to celebrate our being together for 25 amazing years.

Before going on, let me make two small points.  First, I think it is important to understand that I believe a successful marriage is built on a friendship between the partners, almost as if they are 'best friends' first and spouses second.  I’m no expert, but it occurs to me that any relationship where a husband and wife are lacking this friendship has, in my opinion, a much higher risk of failure than one in which each of them finds the greatest pleasure in the others company and wants to be with them every chance he or she gets.

Second, it was never my intention to set a new, world standard for romanticism but simply to make the experience as special as possible for Judy with the funds available.  In the days since our 25th anniversary, when either Judy or I are re-telling our story, some men have looked at me with contempt, told me I have ruined it for the rest of mankind and, if their wives were not present, told me that I am to stay away and never speak to them for the rest of time (of course most of this was tongue-in-cheek and with a smile on their face).

So, after three years of planning, plotting and scheming, I surprised Judy on October 23, 1998, with the trip of our lives, a journey to the Caribbean to celebrate our 25th anniversary!  Believe it or not, with the help of a close friend, I planned the whole trip, scrimped and saved money, made all the travel arrangements, booked everything including her vacation from work, organized and packed her bags and all without her knowing or suspecting a thing!! 

To this day, I still can't believe I pulled it off.  It was a lot of work just trying to keep it a secret and it was also an unbelievable burden to carry around for the better part of three years, keeping it to myself, really no one to share it with.  The last few months prior to our departure simply became too much to bear and I just felt I had to tell someone.  Under normal circumstances, one's spouse would be sharing in the build-up of excitement prior to the trip but since I wanted this to be a surprise, I couldn't tell her.  So, I started telling others what I was planning, family members, friends, people in my office and so on, people who under normal circumstances would have little or no contact with her, and all under the threat of violence if they said anything to her (again, tongue-in-cheek).  It worked out fine because she never once had the slightest suspicion as to what was going to happen.  My biggest worry was that someone at her office would accidentally spill the beans!!

As I mentioned above, I had to book her vacation at work without her knowing about it.  This was perhaps, the single biggest challenge I faced during my preparations and there are two aspects to consider here.  First, since our anniversary is late in the year and Judy usually enjoys taking time off during the summer months, I was faced with the arduous task of convincing her not to book her vacation time during the summer.  To accomplish this, I came up with the idea of telling her that we should save our vacation time and use it during the Christmas holidays to visit our son and his family in Spain where he was stationed during his service in the U.S. Navy.  While she finally agreed to do this, it was not without protest since she did not relish the idea of traveling during the Christmas season, nor was she enamored with the idea of spending valuable vacation time in a very small apartment in Spain.  Her agreement was ultimately obtained by telling her we would stay in a local hotel and not in our son’s apartment. 

Secondly, I had to deal with her boss.  At first, he thought I was joking.  After I convinced him I was serious, he said he had to think about it, check with his boss, etc.  I told him how important the surprise aspect was to me, and he promised the circle of people who knew would be kept small.  He finally agreed and now I knew that my plan had a good chance at success!

Our anniversary is actually on October 15th, but I couldn't include that day in our itinerary because I had to plan the whole trip around a cruise I had booked.  So, in the interest of maintaining secrecy, I did my usual thing on the 15th and left a nice card on her dresser that morning, sent flowers to her office during the day and took her out that evening for a nice dinner.  A typical anniversary for us and she had no idea what was in store for her a week later!

And, because I didn't want her to think that all she was going to get was a card, flowers and dinner after putting up with me for 25 years, I told her at dinner that I had a little surprise in store for her that coming weekend.  On the 17th, a Saturday, when we woke up, I told her to get ready to go somewhere and then I drove her down to a local spa where I had made arrangements for her to spend the whole day getting the "full spa treatment"!  She had the works; a facial, a manicure, a pedicure, a full massage etc.  She had an absolutely fantastic time and told me she thought it was the anniversary gift of a lifetime! (-;

Here we go!  On the morning of October 23rd, a Friday, I drove her to her office under the pretense that I was taking her car in to be serviced at a local dealership, and then 'flew' back home to begin packing our bags.  I had 2½ hours.  My mom and my 16-year-old daughter Amy were there to help me pack from a checklist that I had been putting together for quite some time.  The tension in the air was thick enough to cut with a knife and I was a basket case.  I was sure something was going to happen or that we were going to forget something.

The plan was to meet a limousine that I had pre-arranged on the street in front of her office and then transfer the luggage from Mom’s car to the limo.  Packing accomplished, Mom and Amy accompanied me to the office to witness the event and to say goodbye to us.  They were almost as excited as I was.  After first stopping at a local florist to pick up an orchid corsage I had ordered, we arrived at Judy’s office to meet the limousine and transfer our luggage into the trunk.  Several times, before the limo arrived, I had to ask people either not to park in the spot directly in front of the office or to move their vehicles so that the limo would be able to park where I wanted it to.  Most people were understanding and cooperative but a couple of them gave me some rather cold stares.

Mom was also going to take a few photos of Judy as she came out of her office and while we preparing to leave.  So, finally, after everything was ready, I called Judy on my cell phone and said, “Hello dear, how would you like to go have a coffee with me this morning since I’m on my way into the office and I have a little time to kill before I have to be there.”

She says, "Hmmm, well, I was planning to go for coffee with Marilyn today.”

So, I say, "Well, do you think that maybe today you could go with me?” 

She pauses and then says, "Oh, OK, I guess so.”

If only she had known....

A few minutes later, she comes strolling out the front door and sees me standing beside this stretch black & white limousine and she is grinning from ear to ear because she has no idea what is going on.  Then, she sees Mom and Amy standing there.  And behind her, some of the people in her office have also followed her outside.  She’s more or less in a state of shock and simply cannot stop smiling.  I give her a hug and a kiss and say, "Happy 25th Anniversary Honey!".

She says, "What’s going on, what is all this?".

I tell her, "It’s a surprise to celebrate our 25th anniversary and my gift to you for putting up with me for all these years.”

I take her coat from her and tell her she won't be needing that where we are going and, after thinking for a second, she says, "Does this mean I get the rest of the day off?”

"Yeah, and then some!” I laugh and wink at my mom.

She can’t stop saying, “Oh my gosh!” and after Amy pins the corsage on her, everyone says their good-byes and then we climb into the limousine for a prearranged, one-hour, scenic ride through Stanley Park and Vancouver to the airport.  I had also purchased a very special bottle of wine for us to share in celebration of this event on our way to the airport.  She, of course, still has no idea where we are going and at this point is just laughing and giggling constantly.  We thoroughly enjoy the wine during our ride, and she just keeps saying, "Oh, my gosh!”

After checking in for our flight (the agent almost blew it when she said, "Oh, you're going to Antigua?" and I thank God Judy didn't hear her) we head for the first-class lounge to celebrate a little more and kill some time while we wait for our flight.  Later, as we board the aircraft for the first leg of our flight, in first-class of course, Judy is still in such a state of shock that she doesn't even notice where the flight is going as we go through the gate.  It wasn’t until the pilot came on the intercom to make some pre-flight announcements, that she finally realized where we were going, at least for that particular portion of the trip.

The first part of our itinerary took us to Toronto where we spent the night in the Sheraton airport hotel literally attached to and only a few steps from the terminal.  At this point, I still hadn’t told her anything about where our final destination was because I had packed a little surprise for her in her suitcase.

After checking in and settling into our room, she opened her suitcase and found the small binder I had packed lying right on top of her clothes.  Long before we had departed on this trip, I spent some considerable time clipping and collecting photos and other items from magazines and pasting them on paper to insert into some clear plastic pages that made up Part 1 of the binder.  Most of the photos were of warm, exotic places, and there were also words that I had cut out to use in this collage.  The idea was that, as she flipped through the pages, she would gradually figure out where we were going.  I also included some maps of Antigua that I had located on the Internet and added those as well as a picture of the Antiguan flag.  She was so excited as she read through the pages to learn that we were going to the Caribbean!  The binder also had a Part 2 which I didn’t want her to see just yet because it was all associated with the second week of our trip in the British Virgin Islands and I wanted that to be another surprise!

The next morning, after a leisurely breakfast in the hotel, we boarded an 11:00 AM non-stop flight from Toronto to Antigua, once again in First Class.  After our arrival, we cleared customs and grabbed a taxi to take us to the resort that I had booked one year prior to the trip, one of those "all inclusive" spots where everything is included.  It was a very nice place with a spectacular private beach and a huge pool.  We spent the first week there, relaxing and enjoying the sun.  We took a few short excursions to various places on the island but mostly we just relaxed and enjoyed ourselves.  We did spend a lot of time in the water though.

Before leaving on this trip, I had also purchased a diamond anniversary ring to give her while we were in the Caribbean.  Three diamonds totaling one carat in a beautiful gold setting.  I had all sorts of ideas on how best to give it to her, even going to the point of exchanging e-mails with the manager of the resort in an attempt to make the occasion as special as possible.  My initial plan was to give the ring to the manager when we arrived, and he would make arrangements to have it placed inside an oyster or clam and then be presented to her as part of her dinner.  I envisioned her opening the shellfish and finding the ring inside.  However, when we arrived and after meeting not only the manager but the staff as well, I decided it would be best if I gave it to her myself.  I carried it around with me for three days after our arrival, waiting for the perfect opportunity to give it to her.  A beautiful, moonlit walk on the beach seemed to be right except I didn’t think there was enough light for her to be able to see it very well.

One night, when we were having dinner at the most stylish of the three restaurants in the resort, I discretely pulled the ring, still in the silver jewelers’ case, from my pocket and, holding it under my hands, placed her hands on top of mine.  With a jazz singer and guitarist playing in the background, it was a very romantic moment.  Looking into her eyes, I told her how much I loved her and then slowly pulled my hands away from hers so that she now held the case in her hands.  The gushing started all over again as she opened it and saw the ring.  “Happy Anniversary dear” I said, as she went into shock all over again and the tears of happiness began to flow.

We took an excursion during our first week on Antigua on a 41' catamaran that circumnavigated the island.  It was a lot of fun, sailing in the warmth of the Caribbean and enjoying the fantastic scenery.  During our lunch stopover, we did a little snorkeling and I have to say, it was outstanding.

So, after one week at the resort, it was time to move on to part two of our adventure!  A one-week cruise on the Star Clipper through the British Virgin Islands!!  I had told her nothing up until then other than we were going somewhere else, so as we were packing to leave the resort, she just assumed we were flying somewhere.  I went down to the lobby to arrange a cab and asked the cab driver to take us to the waterfront in St. Johns but not to divulge or destination because Judy thought we were going to the airport.

During the cab ride, as we descended a hill approaching the harbour, she noticed the Star Clipper docked below us and said, “Wow, look at that huge ship!”  I said, “Yeah, that’s nice.” and then tried to divert her attention away from such a beautiful sight by pointing out something on the other side of the road.  Looking back, we both laugh when we remember this because, under normal circumstances, I would have been climbing over her trying to get a better look at the ship.  As we neared the dock, I could see the masts of the Star Clipper over the top of a warehouse, but she still has no idea what is going on and says, "This doesn't look like the airport!"

Trying not to break out laughing, I say, “Maybe it’s just a different airport.”  She looks at me like I am crazy.  Anyway, we get out of the cab, walk around a warehouse and out to the dock and there she is, in all her glory, the Star Clipper, the ship I have been dreaming about for three years and I tell her, "We're going on that!!"  She says, "What, are you serious?!"  I say, "Oh yeah!!!

I wish words could do justice to this ship; it is a work of art and being on it was like stepping back in time.  The whole vessel is absolutely first-class, from the cabins to the dining room to the decks, to the piano bar, to the two pools...I mean, we are talking about a ship with 36,000 sq. ft. of sail on four huge masts!!  The Star Clipper (and its sister ship, the Star Flyer) were built in 1991-92 from plans that were drawn in the 1800's, so it is a 'true' sailing vessel.  It is 366 ft. long and has all the latest in electronics, technology, air-conditioned cabins, great food and a fabulous crew of 72.  With a maximum capacity of 170 passengers, it is a much more intimate atmosphere than one of the larger cruise ships. What a fantastic idea someone had to actually build these vessels and make them available for sailing.  We had the greatest time on this cruise, an experience that will never be forgotten!

Passengers were encouraged to participate in raising the sails and it was a lot of fun.  I have to say that there is something magical about a ship this big when the sails go up.  When the sails are up, the ship starts moving slowly forward on the breeze, but the magic happens when it begins to lean on the wind!  To be on deck under full sail was an amazing, memorable experience!

We cruised for a full week, stopping in St. Barts, Tortola, Green Cay, Norman Island, Virgin Gorda, St. Maarten and St. Kitts.  The beauty of the places we saw cannot be described in words.  The weather was absolutely fantastic, with very little rain or cloud.  We got some really nice photos and have put them in an album to remember this "trip of a lifetime"!!  Every day was spent doing something different and Judy and I were constantly in the water, snorkeling, swimming etc.  The crew was a real ethnic mix, with something like 45 different countries represented in the crew of 75 and, they were also a lot of fun.

One of the highlights of the cruise happened on the last full day as we were preparing to set sail from St. Kitts.  The captain announced that, as a special surprise, he was going to put two tenders in the water and any passengers who wanted to photograph the ship as she sailed by was welcome to board them.  Well, I almost fell over myself as I raced to the gunwale to get in line.  As the tenders pulled away from the ship in the late afternoon sun, the crew began the Herculean task of raising the sails.

What a beautiful sight!  Up until then, we had sailed a considerable amount of the time, but we were always on the ship.  To be able to see from afar what she looked like under full sail was an awesome experience for me.  I ended up shooting a least a roll of film and took some outstanding pictures.  One of the best is a breathtaking shot captured with the ship silhouetted against the setting sun (I used the photo in a video that I gave her for Christmas 2005 set to 'When It's Love' by Van Halen).

We arrived back in Antigua the next morning and after disembarking from the Star Clipper, we spent a few hours shopping.  We even visited a casino and lost our $20.00 limit (we're not gamblers) before finally heading to the airport and boarding our flight, once again, in first class, to Toronto where we spent the night in the same hotel.  The next day, we flew the final leg of our trip in the first-class cabin of a brand-new Airbus A340 to Vancouver where the same stretch limousine was waiting to take us home.  What a trip!!!!

Let me close by saying to all you 'wanna-be' romantics out there, “Put your wife’s dreams and aspirations ahead of your own and ask yourself if she really is your best friend.”  Then, have a look in the mirror and I think a fair number of you will see what I saw.  Life is short.  Enjoy it.

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