A Decision

April 6,  2023

This page is dedicated to our dad, Edgar Francis Shaughnessy and primarily concerns a decision he made early in his adult life.  I have thought about it many times over the years, and it has captivated me to the point that I decided to tell this story.  I think about the impact this one decision had on other people from so many different perspectives.  This fascination is what inspired me to write about decisions and what they mean to all of us.  And while I am using our dad's decision to make this point, I do understand that every person, every family throughout human history likely has a similar story.

First, let's look at the definition of decision.

From the dictionary:

de·ci·sion

/dəˈsiZHən/

Learn to pronoun

noun

The word consideration used in the definition is ambiguous in the sense that it can occur in a nano-second or over a much, much longer period of time.  You've probably heard the phrase, "He made a split-second decision".  So, 'consideration', whether it's instantaneous or drawn out for weeks, months or even years, plays an important part in any decision-making process.

I'm fairly certain that our dad would have struggled with and prayed about the decision he ended up making.  I also feel strongly that God played a role and that ultimately, Dad's decision was part of God's plan.  The Reader's Digest version goes something like this;

After high school, Dad entered seminary at the Jesuit Spirituality Center at St. Charles College in Grand Coteau, Louisiana.  Twelve years later, he was within weeks of being ordained as a Catholic priest when, after a conversation with a fellow seminarian and close friend (Fr. Harold Rahm), he made his 'decision'.

Later, when I was an adolescent, he talked to me about it and I remember him telling me that the conversation he had with his friend was centered around the fact that he felt a very strong, almost overwhelming desire to marry and raise a family, to be a father to his children.  He told me, "This was what led to my decision to walk away from becoming a Jesuit priest."

That one decision that Dad made (and countless others like it of course), has shaped our family for generations!  As last count, he has almost 100 descendants!  Not to mention the thousands of lives that have been touched by these 100 or so people through marriage, friendships, work, school, neighborhoods and so on!  It boggles the mind when you consider the enormous effect that one decision can have on so many lives!

In 2014, Annie Grant (NC State) wrote - 

"Whoever once said, 'As long as the choices people make do not affect others, then they are free to do what they want,' was terribly wrong and should not be allowed to give advice again. The statement is contradictory. We may not like it, but it has to be faced.  The choices we make always affect someone. At times, a choice may primarily affect the person who makes it, but never exclusively.

Every choice a person makes, large or small, from how time is spent to which career to pursue, will have an effect on another person. It could be a seemingly minuscule repercussion or one large enough to change everything. Regardless of the degree, someone is always affected by the choices of others. It is impossible to avoid. Because of this, decisions should not be handled with indifference towards the influence they could have in the lives of others. Rather they should be valued for this very reason.

There is an attitude in many people today that promotes making choices with little to no regard for others. It is not selfishness, but more self-centeredness through ignorance. The individualism-obsessed culture seen today encourages people to only think of themselves when it comes to decisions and not to worry about how it might involve someone else. It is applauded when people say they are living life for themselves. Sometimes this is appropriate, but not always. The “I’m just doing me” attitude does not work consistently because the truth is that other people are involved. Lives are interlaced in millions of different ways, and there is no way to escape the influence one has on others. Even attempting to escape it has influence.

This does not mean that choices should be made without giving thought to oneself. There are definitely times when it is necessary to make a self-centered choice. It does not necessarily make someone a selfish person. After all, total altruism is impossible to achieve and can be damaging to try.

Whether to go to college and where to go to college and many other choices should be made based on the best interest of the individual. These are decisions that are appropriate to be selfish about, but it is still true that they affect others. Where a person attends college affects parents, guardians, siblings, employers, high school friends, as well as the people who will be met during college such as roommates, classmates, potential friends, etc. And this is just a brief list. Despite this, making a decision completely based on one’s personal interest can still be appropriate and beneficial.

Sometimes decisions should be made with the best interest of self in mind, but while accepting and understanding that it will play a part in the lives of others too. Other times, decisions should be made while thinking of others’ needs. Though difficult, it is beneficial to consider others’ and think less of oneself. Acknowledging that each choice made will affect another person is a valuable way to live, and not only with the big things, but with small decisions too. Choices matter, people matter and when there is awareness of the influence a choice can have, there are better outcomes." - Annie Grant

 How thankful are we, myself and my entire family, that our father made the decision to walk away from the priesthood?  None of us would even be here if he had been ordained!  Wow!

Dad, "my mind still talks to you and the hole in my heart still looks for you.  But my soul knows you're at peace." - unknown

I can hardly wait to see you again.

I welcome any comments as long as they are respectful.  I can handle criticism and opposing viewpoints, in fact I encourage them.  Join the discussion on any of my web pages.  Polite, courteous, or neutral comments will be published for everyone else to see.  Comments that are deemed rude, inappropriate, vulgar, hurtful, racist, misogynistic, violent, or sexual (among others) will not be published.  Remember, we can all agree to disagree and still be respectful!